Heart of a Punk Soul of a Rasta

THE NEAT
THE SLADE ROOMS
(actually THE CIVIC BAR) WOLVERHAMPTON

Preamble:

New music as a topic for conversation is pretty b b b b boring! And that is why as far as this shit tip of a Fanzine is concerned we try to say as little as possible about unsigned bands or new bands or embryonic bands or kiddie bands or……..ok I think you get the point; what we'd rather talk about are bands that are half fuckin' decent and that have beating beneath their chests The Heart of a Punk.

[Warning: Statement of the bleeding obvious imminent]

The whole music industry has always been absurdly skewed towards "discovering" new bands, or as we normal people say "hyping" new bands. Today most "new bands" are "discovered", "hyped", "defrocked" and "shitted out" even before they've passed through musical pubescence; this sort of evil contrivance of genetically hyped nurture followed by a swift and brutal murder should really have rendered obsolete long ago.

We are in a time of retro reunions & reissues; a time when a cognitive sense of musical history has been dispensed with. All "popular music" from 1950 onwards whether new or old is now living and operating in the same space at the same time. The dead are on tour (Elvis & Sinatra) and the dying (The Rolling Stones & U2) are doing likewise; no one goes away, no one gives up the ghost, it's all bloody relentless. But OLD doesn't equal good and neither does NEW. Buddy Rich was right when he said “There are only two types of music; good and bad.” But it's not for musicians or the media or the money grubbing marketeers to decide which music is good and which music is bad; only us THE PUNTERS & THE PATRONS can decide that.

And so to THE NEAT whose single landed on my mat on the morning of the gig; sweet serendipity strikes again! No that's not the name of their single, mind you "Sweet Serendipity Strikes Again" would be a good name for a song - or, perhaps not. Anyway "In Youth is Pleasure" arrived on my mat daubed with the bands very own daubings, which is always nice; daubing is good, unless of course it's done using the BLOOD of a poly addict. Anyway I'd got a single by a NEW(ish) band courtesy of CRASH RECORDS (We obviously had to give them KA$H for it, this is a FANZINE for fucks sake not an ad column; we buy what we like the sound of, its easy CRASH RECORDS

Now Steve Lamacq (who apparently is a DJ for the BBC?) is quoted on The Neat Myspace site as saying THE NEAT are "Latter day Fall jostling with the XX Teens; the drums pound along mercilessly, while the sinewy guitar sounds like it's been exhumed from 1979 and the dry staccato vocals stab mantras through the flailing body. Neat Neat Neat" Shit he could be a journalist, (spit) with such a wonderful turn of phrase and rich use of hyperbole. He couldn't write a Fanzine though for two reasons; "A" he's not that bad and "3" he didn't say whether he actually liked The Neat or not, he just named a Damned track.

I shouldn't be too hard on Steve Lamacq though (is that a real name Lamacq or is it some kind of process) cos he does suffer from two major handicaps: 1 he's not quite as old as I am and 2 he's not quite as distractingly ugly. Oh yeah it's a nasty but the truth must out. And can I trust Lamacq's "hi per bowl" after all he did pedal some horrid indie bands in the late eighties and he did give us Elastica! Kapow!

On the way to THE NEAT I decided to listen to the only single I was armed with when I went to see the XX Teens for the first time; and the only album I owned when I went to see The Fall for the first time. I hoped the mixed medium might help. It didn't!

As it turned out the gig had been moved, from the all new Slade Rooms to the all old Civic Hall Bar. So once again this poor 46 year old alcoholic had to plonk himself down in the place where he used to fuel himself up prior to those first gigs in the late seventies. That was a time when the Civic bar was "a bar!", and a whole lot plusher, and you couldn't see from one side of the room to the other; visibility was about six feet due to the Woodbines. Ahhh The Damned glug glug glug, The Ruts smoke smoke smoke, The Stranglers glug, smoke, glug and The Jam. Hey wait a minute its a bit like The Jam here tonight. It's a bit like bleedin "Aunties and Uncles"

And why was it like Aunties and Uncles? Well because THE NEAT were sandwiched between three local Wolverhampton bands: "Gutted for Dave", "BXTR" and "Secondhand Story".

Aunties and Uncles
And people who like us
But keep us apart all the same
Friends and relations
We're public relations
And we know in our hearts
That we're playing a part
Me and you
One day they will know
We don't need 'em no more
And my comfort is coming from the knowledge of knowing
Love is growing fast

Aunties and uncles
Who try to help us
By suggesting what they think is best
The people around me
Are looking for something
But I've become blind 'cause I found what I'm looking for
(Paul Weller)

Unfortunately good, bad or indifferent Gutted for Dave, BXTR and Secondhand Story said "NOTHING TO ME ABOUT MY LIFE"

The place was full (as it should be I guess) of the Moms, Dads, Aunties and Uncles, Mates, Liggers, Girlfriends, Boyfriends & every other impartial and non discerning punter in the parish. All very sweet and all very nice until a bouncer stepped over to me and said "Are you local!?" "Eh?" I replied. "This is a local venue" he said "For local people. There's nothing for you here!" I quickly retreated for a piss. Thankfully when I returned he was gone and The Neat were tuning up. Now was most definately not the time to blink. "We are The Neat ahhh, and we are from Hull ahhh"

GO!

Amid a torrent indifference THE NEAT launched pell-mell into "Ode to Joy" immediately eviscerating the cerebral cortex of the disinterested locals and filling the newly formed vacuum within each head with a small highly polished grapefruit.

Inwardly the locals screamed "We don't understand, we don't understand" But there was to be no mercy. "We are The Neat ahhh, and we are from Hull ahhh" it was like some kind of a deadly spell. "Fruits" was pummelled out, knife, knife, knifing into the hearts of the xenophobes. "We are The Neat ahhh, and we are from Hull ahhh" No not again I thought, they're going to kill these simpleminded folk. No heed was taken, no quarter was given "Carmex" and "In Youth is Pleasure" were blasted out. "We are The Neat ahhh, and we are from Hull ahhh".

GONE

The Epilogue:

So "Latter day Fall jostling with the XX Teens"? Well The Neat currently do have a batch of choppy pulsating songs and I'm sure they'd love to shout out "Yeah Yeah Industrial Estate" given half a chance; who wouldn't? But The Neat's colourisations are devastatingly more elaborate and vivid than anything the XX Teens ever mustered. No you might as well say they sound "like latter day Pere Ubu jostling with an old dear at checkout three in Costcutter". It's all just cock. All we at Heart of a Punk - Soul of a Rasta can say is: we like these boys, they're here, they're half decent, they're from HULL, so be AFRAID all you intellectual dwarfs out there, be VERY AFRAID! THE NEAT