Heart of a Punk Soul of a Rasta

Kasabian - As seen on TV.
For those of you watching in colour. This one is in Black & White.

Just the thought of any of the bands I love appearing on BBC Breakfast TV makes me want to vomit up blood. The fact that it's Kasabian's Tom & Serge - Well - It's enough to make a clean cat piss on its own kittens! Why does it make me feel like this? Do I really have to explain? I do? OK.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was something that people called credibility. Street cred, political cred, class cred and musical cred. Today when the whole of the planet is subsumed by celebrity and the easy dollar credibility has been lobbed into the dustbin of history. It's become a dusty old exhibit of the past. Like a stuffed specimen of a "FANTOD" sealed beneath inch thick glass. Does anyone today actually remember what credibility was? Or what a Fantod was for that matter. And does artistic credibility actually exist in the music biz anymore? I don't know the answer, I'm asking you.

Looking back at what credibility used to be, in the late '70's, I guess it all seems pretty stupid now. I mean no one today knows or cares about the CRED The Clash gleaned from refusing to play TOTPS. Likewise people haven't the slightest interest how much CRED The Jam lost when the agreed to play The Old Grey Whistle Test in '78. No one gives a flying fig what label a band signs for anymore either, whether it's EMI or LOOG their CRED remains the same. And as for appearances on obsequious Breakfast Shows. Well who cares? Other than me of course.

You see personally I still hanker for these long lost ideologically pure days, when a band was happy to exchange a wodge of KA$H for a whole stash of credibility. Perhaps I'm in a majority of one here. Perhaps the whirligig of time has turned so many times that the days principled posturing are truly dead and buried. Regardless of all that though, and as I've already said, just the thought of Kasabian's Tom & Serge appearing on BBC Breakfast makes me want to be sick into a pint glass and then drink it. Do I really have to explain myself further? I do? OK.

BBC Breakfast resides somewhere between the dumbest clap trap and pure EVIL. It is blinkered middle class liberal nonsense coiffed and contorted and contrived and spewed out to appear like it is in some way a valid representation of British society. It reminds me of Kafka's "Amerika". Watching it you vaguely recognise the place, the geography and the people the reporters are talking about. But at the same time you're absolutely convinced that none of these "dicks" have ever actually been to the real Britain. The Britain they talk about is a virtual Britain, an imagined Britain; a Britain that's forever Songs of Praise, Antiques Roadshow and Country File playing on a continuous never ending loop. Nothing exists for BBC Breakfast outside of BBC brand itself. It's a programme made by middle class liberals (with a small L) for middle class liberals (with a small L). It reinforces the status quo, the establishment view, the myth of Empire and the glory of WAR. I like to refer to it as DOG SHIT ON TOAST. Except dog shit on toast is much more palatable, obviously.

I may be understating my argument here. But if you're in any doubt - I don't f**king like BBC Breakfast. If you've never watched this load of formulaic bollocks, what it does is pretends to be a morning paper. It features the latest "Health Scare"; for people who have got nothing wrong with them. The latest "Consumer Advice"; for those fine folk who've actually have some money to save. And "Celebrity Stories"; for those people who don't want to be themselves. Its all snore and abhor.

But why, you may ask, do I vehemently retch every time I'm subjected to BBC Breakfast? There are worse things. Like "Sky News" or "The Flame" or the "Telegraph" or "Hello" magazine. Well I retch because I don't have to buy those. I don't have to endorse them. And I don't have to have my pockets picked by them on a regular basis whether I watch them or not. And these mindless rags don't feign to be representative of anything other than themselves either.

George Orwell used the BBC Overseas Service as the blueprint for his fictional The Ministry of Information in 1984. But BBC Breakfast is actually today's version of the Ministry of Truth. Broadcasting DUMB dull as dishwater hum drum fodder across the entire Empire and trying to make it sound so very important. The reporters all orate in the same laughable BBC way. Starting in a slow and low tone (very authoritive). Rising quickly to a high note mid sentence, before descending once again to a slow and stuttering full stop. They make it appear like they are broadcasting to a vast global empire when in truth they are simply yaking to themselves; a narrow strata of myopic middle class liberals too stupid to be real journalists, too frightened to live in the real world, and too self obsessed to ever know waht empathy is.

And so that's why just the thought of Kasabian's Tom & Serge appearing on BBC Breakfast makes me want to vomit up blood. So enjoy the clip. I think they came across rather well. And anyway I can forgive them. This once. Cos I got the signed single through the post today, bostin!

LET THE MUSIC SPEAK FOR ITSELF!

Betamax version available on request.