Heart of a Punk Soul of a Rasta

EDUCATION
From somewhere in the depths of Deco World the DJ put on some music. On hearing the first track being blasted out Brummie No.1 said to Brummie No.2 [I can't do the accent myself, but if you can, please feel free]. "I like this track mate". Brummie No.2 replied "Yeah me too, who's it by Phil?" Brummie No.1 looked pretty self assured as he replied "It's the Kasier Chiefs Dave". "Are you sure Phil?"
[God only knows why I didn't scream out there and then "It's the -------- you frigging dick heads!" but for some reason I didn't].

"No your right Dave it ain't the "Kaiser Chiefs", he went on, it's that band your Katherine's boyfriend likes, got the same name as another band" [A band that's got the same name as another band - well fuck a duck - I put my fist in my mouth to stifle my cry of - take me know Lord!] "No, errr, dow tell me mate" [Why did he say dow tell me mate? 'cause it was obvious he wore gonna tell him, 'cause he day 'ave a fucking clue]. Finally and triumphantly Phil Brummie blurted out "I've got it it's The Killers, Dave, The Killers that' who it is", "Yeah you're right mate, you're a walking talking Guinness Book of Hit Singles you are mate, a walking talking Guinness Book of Hit Singles".

"What's wrong with that Ed, they obviously weren't the sharpest knives in the drawer, but does it matter, they got there in the end".

"It wasn't the bleedin' Kaiser Chiefs or the bleedin' Killers John, it was "The Strokes"! They were listening to "Is this It" by "The Strokes!" I just stood there thinking to myself how can people (at a Gang of Four gig! mind) be so ill educated and misguided? Ok I'd expect musical morons at a "Simple Minds" gig but the Gang of Four ahhhh!"

"Now just wait a minute you pretentious prat, firstly I have the copyright on rants in this Fanzine and secondly I know what this is all about its bloody Morrissey this month isn't it?"

"Yes, but what's Moz go to do with it?"

"Because you always get like this when there's a Morrissey in the month."

"Like what?"

"Like maudlin, morose, miserable, mithery, moany, mealy-mouthed, myopic and bleedin pre menstrual. Your PRE MORRISSEY that's what's wrong with you, you're always the same, hypersensitivity brought on by being PRE MORRISSEY, easy to cure though, just shut up and cheer up! Anyway there's no way he can cancel Birmingham due to illness it's the first gig of the tour."

"I'm still not happy."

"I'd be more worried if you said you were - next patient!"