Heart of a Punk Soul of a Rasta

Liam Remembers - Wind Up Dream #9

Every dog has its day, even the lowliest dog of them all. And sometimes, just sometimes the blaggers blag comes off. And so I find myself sitting on a bench under the Carnaby Street sign, two spits away from Liam Gallagher's Pretty Green store. I'm hemmed in like boar between arches, between Pret a Manger and the backside of Liberty's. It makes a change for me to be in London, on a bench, and not being woken up at 4.00am from underneath a copy of last Thursdays Evening Standard.

My mobile rings, and ten minutes later a minder arrives (his name is Dave). He seems to be attempting to hide his impatience under a thinly disguised sheen of jollity. I attempt ingratiation. It doesn't work. The bloke just won't let me ingratiate him.

Instead I follow in his wake, into Liberty's Department Store, up the back spiral staircase to the third floor. In our short swift journey I get a chance to take him in (from the behind only) I wouldn't be able to pick him out in an identity parade, not now, should the need arise. He's about my build. Bedecked top to toe in black. Black bomber, black tracksuit, black boots - basically Russian mafia wear. But he seems to have an extra two feet of shoulder width compared to me. How can this be? He's about the same height as me. Still I'm guessing his fist would connect with my face six inches before mine would connect with his, it's not a reassuring thought. He stops dead, midway along the intricately carved third floor balcony - for why? Before I can ask, Dave points over his left shoulder using his baldpate instead of his bald fingers. I follow the direction of his pointing head, there reclining on a high backed, dark wood, exquisitely hand carved Moroccan chair is the man himself Liam Gallagher. "No photos, no recorders and you've fifteen minutes mate" says Dave. I walk. Dave turns and slumps on the carved balustrade, presumably to take the weight off his freakishly oversized shoulders and to leer at the posh totty down below in ladies fashions.

Instantly I'm aware of what he's thinking. He's thinking, what the fuck's this thing? And of course he's right. Dyed black ex-German army surplus coat, once black jeans, mud incrusted Gore-tex boots, a vague smell of something medicated, could be soap, possibly not. I'm not pretty, and I'm definitely not Pretty Green. I apologise profusely, can't remember what for now, but I did. I sit as far away as possible on a burgundy velour covered chaise lounge, nice, but time is of the essence. I start jabbering. There's no eye contact, beady or otherwise. A full fifteen minutes? - I'll be lucky.

Bob Geldof once said "pop stars earn only two kinds of money: not as much as you think, and more than you can ever dream of". I guess as far as Geldof's financial scale is concerned, you're most definitely in the later category. Is having more KA$H than most folk can dream of a problem for you in these KA$H strapped times? And does KA$H drive Liam Gallagher in anyway?

LG:" ".

Yeah Lennon didn't have an intimate connection with KA$H either. When he left Yoko and went off to LA on his Lost Weekend escapade in October '73. He went to Lloyds Bank on Sunset Boulevard to cash some travellers cheques. It was the first time he'd been inside a bank, he was 33. He had $10,000 in cheques, all in $100 denominations. He sat there and signed all 100 cheques. He declined the offer to open a bank account, just shoved the $10K in his pocket and was gone. Elliot Mintz who took Lennon to the bank asked him. "How did it feel, being in a bank John?" Lennon replied "It felt exactly the same as anywhere else. All I did was autograph bits of paper".

You've recently opened another couple of Pretty Green stores, one in Manchester and one Glasgow, is Pretty Green about making money or again, is that not the point?

LG:"

".

"Roller" is the first proper single release for "Beady Eye", which some dicks are saying has a touch of the "Instant Karma" about it. That was my first REAL visual contact with a Beatle - at least it's the first I can remember. Instant Karma on TOTPS in 1970, I was six. The sight of this guy at a piano with something strapped to his head, a woman blindfolded (I didn't know it was a Tampax till much later) and a mad arsed clattering drummer grabbed my attention somewhat. I asked me dad. "Who's this?" And he said "It's the Beatles…….they're not as good as they used to be". Harsh critic me dad, and I didn't believe him anyway. This didn't sound like anything off "A Collection of Beatles Oldies"; which was the only Beatles album we had in our house at the time. And Lennon with his cropped hair looked nothing like the image of a mop top Beatle I had in me head either. What was your first aural and visual encounter with Lennon?

LG:"

".

Do you ever think of employing any of Lennon's madcap ideas? Like getting your Mrs to wear a Tampax in a video, or shaving your head for charity, or going on an anti government rally?

LG:"


".

Right. I've recently re-read a good chuck "Lennon Remembers", the massive Rolling Stone interview Lennon did with Jann Wenner in 1970 - just after scream therapy, and when the dream was really over. Would you consider doing such a massive in-depth, intense, no holds barred interview? To set down a definitive historical record post Oasis. Cos in a lot of ways you're in a similar position to the one Lennon found himself in, in 1970.

LG: "


".

No, no, not with me obviously. With someone who ain't going to shit you about. Someone who'll just get your words and thoughts down…….…basically a "Liam Remembers"

LG: "
".

As Mr Gallagher finished his eyes darted over towards Dave with overbearing intensity. But Dave was still hunched over the rail looking at the posh totty below.

Yeah I'm finished now. Sorry. The Beady Eye UK Tour, taking in some of this nations more stylish and venerable venues - Troxy, Barrowlands, Civic in Wolves, Apollo Manchester. I'm probably in a majority of one here, but as far as listening to live music goes, you can shove arenas and festivals up your arse. But is this where you want Beady Eye to be? In these 3K venues, keeping things a bit more in your face and visceral. Or are you wanting to take Beady Eye onwards and upwards to the MEN, LG, O2 arenas and to headlining Glastonbury?

LG: "

".

Then before I knew what was going on everything went dark, Dave in black was standing in front of me like a vast shadow tapping his watch. When he stepped aside, to allow me to move, Liam Gallagher was gone.

Two moments later I found myself peering through the steamed up windows of Pret a Manger waiting for my five quid bowl of soup to cool down. I was musing on two imponderables. Number one, will Liam open up and do a full unexpurgated interview? A "Liam Remembers". Perhaps he will, maybe after the first Beady Eye manoeuvres are done and dusted. And number two, now it's cooled down what am I going to dunk in my soup, cos I've already eaten me chuck of bread. Should I buy another chunk or would I be too stuffed then, I feel pretty stuffed already, but when all is said and done you can't have soup without bread, can you?


Ed - Chief fictoral correspondent.